我讨厌这个世界

为什么我的出身那么不幸

为什么，身体健全，四肢发达
为什么不是头脑衰弱，聋哑儿童
为什么给我听觉和语言能力
为什么不把这一切给那些想要的人
为什么要给我

对于一个想要一辈子平静度过的人
听觉是拖累
对于一个想要孤单终老的人
语言能力是多余
对于那些想要却得不到的人
我拥有的这一切是不公

我讨厌这个世界

为什么会有电话
电话只是个让我戴上面具
向别人伪装成个好好女孩
让我自责怒己
让我无法找到真实自己
工具之一

我讨厌这个世界

病痛
人人都不想要你
琳轩要你
来找我吧
来找我嘛
为什么连你也不要我···

为什么这个世界那么不公
想要的得不到
不想要的躲也躲不掉

我讨厌这个世界

累了
真的真的
好累好累

好希望
身边能有个代言人
代替我听
代替我说话
好希望
身边的代言人
不需要我任何的言语
就能了解我

呵呵
可笑的想法
这个不公的世界上
不会有那种人
就算有
也不会出现在你身边
忘了吧
把一切都忘了

我想结束
结束痛苦
结束生命
偏偏我
身体健全，四肢发达
却没有勇气
整天只懂得妄想

妄想身边能出现一个代言人

妄想能够得精神病
突然发疯做出一直向往的事

妄想己能成为快乐的人
不需要结束生命的人
不需要讨厌世界的人

但始终都还是妄想

Yohoo! (confusion: linxuan comes out with all the weird greetings once in a moment. haiix.)

A BELATED V. HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MINDY!!!
(linxuan: yest. my cousin come and use comp until v. late so nvr come blog, if not no nid belated liao. me no mood oso. xD)

yesterday...
was mindy's birthday. (linxuan&confusion: YIPEE!)
was outing-with-dad-to-boring-食品展-day.
was a terrible day.

`食品展
just a drive to the singapore expo dere (linxuan: i think it's dere. confusion: linxuan is a road-idiot.) den walk in the uber big yet v. v. v. v. crowdedandsqueezy hall looking at food food and food. (linxuan: i was looking at the floor and humans so tt i dun bump into dem of step on sum1...)
my main point isn't really tt foodfair la. just tt, my sole was dropping out - wth! nothing much happened though, i survived with the mouth-opening sole. it's hungry lerr bahh, tt's y we go foodfair den the mouth open.
*linxuan's imagination*
tt fateful day, a girl was walking bak to her vehicle after a foodfair. all the while, her eyes were on her feet. perhaps she is shy? noway, it's because her sole is dropping out soon. she was so attentively STARING into her shoes tt she din see someone coming towards her and... BUMP!
"i see stars, wahh, birds chirping ovr my head! ahno, sorry, really sorry, i wasnt looking my front..."
den she carried on walking, tis time, she looked out 4 ppl coming her way instead on the dropping sole.
suddenly, someone behind called out "GIRL! YOUR SOLE DROP LE AHH!"
"omg, it's so embarrassing..."
she went to pick up her sole from the floor and... stepped. (no it's not her stepping out, someone stepped on her hand. gasps.)
"i feel something soft below my feet, feels nice to step! ahno, sorry, really sorry, i was looking my front..."
*end of imagination*

linxuan's so talented. she can draw, she can compose, she can type and she can imagine. MUAHAHAHAHAHA. and she's mad!!! u do agree right?













tt's a good thing to agree. cos many famous ppl are rumoured to be mad. tt means linxuan is really talented and she will become famous in the future. WAHAHAHAHA.

`terrible day
just know that it's terrible. sort of a family problem, but it's my cousin larr...

~end of BELATED post for yesterday~

disclaimer: linxuan and confusion are fine. just got emo just now. xP

is really sian-ed. oh well. just finished 任我遨游 yest. AGAIN. err, a littlt bit 花痴 now with toro. but googled for his info, quite complicated. now dun evn noe if he's in showbiz/singing.

listening to 亲爱的王子 by cherry boom. lyrics here:

潘朵拉的玻璃瓶
海伦那的魔法镜
天上的星星地上的眼睛
谁也看不懂真心
迷雾森林幻境里
王子傻傻的苏醒
妖魔的世纪天使的心情
谁来握住你手心
睁开眼认清迷惘人间
纯真只是谎言承诺等于后悔
不如让我亲吻你的颈边
拿走你不需要的热血
亲爱的王子别害怕
我将对你倾诉撒旦的情话
反正魔鬼亦睁只眼
反正天神亦闭只眼
没有人会想来改变这世界
亲爱的王子别再哭
从今以后不再孤独
没有感动没知觉享受幻灭
然后当你不再有希望
然后你就不会再受伤
然后你就会得到力量
生命是一部黑色童话

another song from cherry boom (清新早晨):

if you really understand me
you should not fool me even dump me
在这黱一个 sweet morning
没有人能来干涉我的行径

深吸一口冰凉的空气
在这黱一个清新的morning
你总是说you are my prince
如今却又要我认清truth and dream

来这一杯speciat tea
就像你平常爱喝的那种drink
让你不支倒地
我可以享受你痛苦的呻吟
how about the final kiss
就像离别时会给的那种sweet
当你闭上眼睛
我可以宽恕你背叛的原因

你要用你的道理解释我们之间的关系
乾脆就让你闭嘴我就可以什黱都不听
你要用你的道理解释我们之间的关系
那就用我的方式了结这场虚伪的美丽

你可恶的令人难以忘记
就别想我会让你forget me
你可爱的令人舍不得离去
不如就让你哪里都不能去

来这一杯speciat tea
就像你平常爱喝的那种drink
让你不支倒地
我可以享受你痛苦的呻吟
how about the final kiss
就像离别时会给的那种sweet
当你闭上眼睛
我可以宽恕你背叛的原因

你要用你的道理解释我们之间的关系
乾脆就让你闭嘴我就可以什黱都不听
你要用你的道理解释我们之间的关系
那就用我的方式了结这场虚伪的美丽

if you really understand me
you should not fool me even dump me
在这黱一个 sweet morning
幻想第一千零三种的结局

**********************************

if u read carefully, it's quite sadist. both lyk kill ppl de. so u noe, i'm quite sadist myself, so i lyk cherry boom alot oso. xD

sian-ed.

stephanie saw my blog!!!

too alive now lerr.

ahhh. gottago maple. my cousin waiting for me.

byebyes!

SIANSIANSIAN!!!

(linxuan:let's lame!)
linxuan: ehh confusion, y u kip typing siansiansian. u malaysian ahh, homesick?
confusion: NO LARR! WHO LIKE YOU, SO LAME, EVERYDAY LIKE THAT, NO WONDER NOW NO ONE WANTS TO ONLINE LE LA. *sobs* 害 me now no one to tok to. *cries*
linxuan: (whispers to readers)next she'll go mad and kip complaining, whoevr sees this, i warn you, dun tok to linxuan94@hotmail.com or lx94cyh64@hotmail.com on msn.
confusion: YOU STUPID LINXUAN. EVERYDAY 疯疯癫癫 ANYHOW TYPE ON MSN. CAUSED ME SO MUCH TROUBLE, I STILL HAVE TO LOCK YOU UP. LOCK YOU UP 还不够, YOU RUNAWAY HARR! DUN TINK I CANNOT LIVE WITHOUT YOU HORR, I CAN LIVE PERFECTLY WELL IF NOT FOR YOU! (thinks: not really, without linxuan i cannot exist le, aiya heckkare liao) IDIOT! BAKA! 大笨蛋!
linxuan: nxt, she'll go n commit suicide...
confusion: (still crying hard)wth larr.. evry1 lyk tt de, dey all so carefree... lyk whole world only me depress-ed, scared i will 得罪 ppl. ))': living on earth is hard. i dun wan to stay on earth, i dunwan to be born on earth, i want to come from mars. i want to go to mars by myself and live a solitude life. i want to isolate myself... AHHH!!! I'M SO STRESSED!!! STUPID LINXUAN WITH HER STUPID THOUGHTS AND THIS STUPID EARTH THAT CAUSED THE STUPID THOUGHTS IN STUPID LINXUAN!!!! i should be going... bye everyone... i'll go jump down from the 13th storey and knock my head hard... at least when i fly to heaven or hell, dere shd b freedom(really?)
linxuan:(whispers)一哭二闹三上吊··· ···

---end of linxuan's current feeling skit (i'm pushing evryting to confusion, but y am i?)---

thankyou stephanie for coming online.

))':

)':

):

|:

[:

(:

however u feel, u have to put on a mask, a strong n happy-go lucky front facing people. linxuan's education taught us so. if u dun, ppl will HATE u for being emo. *sighs*

"The poor has the poor's way of living in this money-ed world." - i managed to survive in east coast park with only $11.45 when the bike rental cost $6 and BK cost me $5.10. utterly broke now, so i hv to do my accounts again: rochee hvnt return me $4.50. stephanie hvnt return me $3. jinching and wenjia hvnt return me $5 each. i hvnt return rachel $1 for 2dae's ice cream. *din use OWE cos it dint sound nice...

went to east coast for the class outing 2dae. nth much, just eat.ride bicycle.eat. tink dere were plans to play wif water at the beach but in the end no 1 wan play lerr, so went home instead. (btw, i have been released yest nite for preparation of today's class outing. :DD) since dear dear linxuan have been released by the -werewolflollipopc0nfusi0n-, we will blog in reverse flashbak to celebrate the happy occasion!

going home...
when going home i realised something-that day was lyk a... "palindrome". from when i reached to east coast till i stepped out of east coast. u'll noe ltr when i re-enact for u...

b4 leaving, of cos we had to return the bikes tt we rented. den we went to the macs sit sit but not really eat cos we had just eaten in BK. sat in the macs w8ing for those hu wanted to chnge b4 leaving. den i put on my earphones again. mp4-which i use as a mp3 mostly-they finished chnging den we leave for the bustop lorr.

in east coast...
when we were dere we just rode the bikes throughout. meaning we stayed for about 2++hrs only... well, the class rode too fast n i'm too much of a scaredy-cat(i still nid my lollipops to 壮胆), so i was lagging bak bak bak bak bak behind. den ride ride ride until alittle further from the jetty saw xuqin fall down den stopped dere. v. pitiful, fall until 全身是伤. as alwaes, i duno how to help so i can only stand around den the class people hu went SOOOO front came back. she washed her wounds n got plaster. ohya, dere's a kind kind lady hu gave us plasters and sumting to clean the wound more thoroughly. ALLIGATO GOZAIMATSU!!! den after tt we rode bak to the store but cherie bike got prob so she, xq, shirleen walked bak instead. u must be thinking they push their bikes all the way back worr. well, impressively, joonteen and sean (i guess so) rode their own bikes wif 1 hand n took another 1 by the other hand. SO COOL! i sure fall lyddat. xD (it's getting boring to type wad happened one whole day) den we were almost late for returning the bikes den we would have to pay for extra one hour derr rental fees. *gasps* but we were not. harharrharrr.

reached!!!
i reached east coast with my earphones plucked in my ears and the v first ting, we went to macs to chnge n eat.

so basically, wad we did was eat(and change). go to bike stall(to rent bike). ride the bike. stop in the middle of the track(to help xuqin). ride the bike(back to the stall). go to bike stall(to return bike). eat(and change). tt's y i said it's palindrome-d.

thankyous rachel and cherie for your LOLLIPOPs! LOVEYOU! :P

ps. palindrome actually meant words or phrases that read the same backwards or forwards. clik for a v. long palindrome example.

muuaaaharharrharrr(lag-ed evil laughter by a lazy evil character). this blog has been dead for so long and -werewolflollipop-c0nfusi0n- comes to revive it.

lalalalalalalalalalalalalalala

u noe linxuan's class lyks to mass convo. in msn recently. 2dae, again. to discuss a class outing for 2ml. muuaaaharharrharrr(linxuan has been captivated by me and kept in a secret room 'cause she tried to stop me from blogging and kept irritating me). ohwell, discussing stuff aren't really fun, so tt's not the point. the point is the random-ness and lame-ness in between. as expected we kept stray-ing away from the main objective--which is to settle the class outing details.

during the mass convo...

linxuan kept lollipop-ing. which meant she kept going "I WAN MY LOLLIPOP!" or sumting lyk tt. she asked for lollipops from her granddaughter-who kept trying to sae she's not going to buy for linxuan and in the end linxuan goes mad, LOLLIPOP,LOLLIPOP,LOLLIPOP,LOLLIPOP,LOLLIPOP. den rochee asked if linxuan will meet wif her b4 the class meets n she replied, i'll meet with you if you give me a LOLLIPOP! n rochee said deal, n i saw, linxuan was joking, but rather glad to get her lollipop.

after everyting is settled, ppl left, pengu started to make uncute remarks again(linxuan really shdn't hv apologised to him after saeing he's not cute in a prev. mass convo.) he said he's destroying lollipop shops. n linxuan went you can burn ur lollipop shops but leave MY LOLLIPOPS alone

*linxuan kept begging me to add this in: pengu! you penguin, come singapore ltr canot withstand the heat, rot diao, cannot evn serve as food den become useless ler!*(it's from linxuan but dun hit her, or me the kind kind -werewolflollipop-c0nfusi0n- will get hurt too)

conclusion

cherie oso said she'll get a lollipop for linxuan. other den tt dere's rachel hu promised and asked linxuan to remind her to buy. rochee had a deal with linxuan to give her a lollipop too. so 2nite has just been LOLLIPOP and rmbered i locked linxuan up, tt's partly bcos she tried to get a lollipop from me too. too much of a LOLLIPOPness tt i hv to lock her up in the unconscious part of my mind...

revival meant to revive my blog. though it's only dead for a few days. but please remember the fact that it had only been alive for days or maybe somewhere near weeks. but it's a redundant revival, 'cause i dun really have anything to blog.

You Are a Werewolf

You're unpredictable, moody, and downright freaky. You seem sweet and harmless, until you snap. Then you're a total monster. Very few people can predict if you're going to be Dr. Jekyll or Mr. Hyde. But for you, all your transformations seem perfectly natural. Your greatest power: Your ability to tap into nature Your greatest weakness: Lack of self control You play well with: Vampires

rather true. i tink. and when i tink about myself, it's true 99%. n when u tink about me, it's true 65%. 'cause not many of you can see the true side of me tt I TINK is me shan't elaborate more, since it's true, u'll know me better through that. hope so.

i've said almost the same thing to 3 ppl, either face-to-face or on msn, but i'm still here to 发泄 MORE@@@!!!!!! duno how to start... fine, tis'll be about my cca, u shd know, duno nvm, i heckkare liao.

that IDIOTIC-COCKEYED-FREAKO someone at the start of cca 就吃饱没事做, come and pick on me because it 不爽 we got sum1 as a VERY VALID AND THEY CANNOT REBUTT reason for wearing unofficial uniform. what logic is this that transparent spect hooks aren't spect hooks? are there any rules or laws stating that spect hooks cannot be any other colour than BLACK? NO!fine, even if it is an untold rule in this particular cca, it's not my fault rite, is their problem, being so cocky that they got cockeyed,that they could not see i was wearing it for almost whole of two years' activities after all the uniform checks. might as well not perform the checks! okay, it's because ur want to standardise right. i tell you, if u're going to standardise every single thing, i found a lot of loopholes lehh. i help you fill it up . all u ppl, find a day, go out together and do these things together. get a new haircut, girls n boys find a length and let's all standardise den we can standardise on the hairstyle. then u can get a new spectacles, standardise the colour, the design and the degrees. then you can go and standardise all ur cca uniforms to the same size, a free size shd fit, go request for a special order. then, u can standardiseyou shoes: design, brand, size. still got more, go standardise your looks, hv a surgery. standardise your skin. standardise your blood type. excellent right!

spect hooks only rite, v. cheap de. i scrimp n save evryday on my meals to save that little money from what i get each week. for an average day, i eat nothing except during sch break, which i only have a plate of rice n 2 dishes of veggie,1 of meat, n dinner. u tink earning is easy? spect hooks oso nid money okay, can lend then lend, heard b4 from ur parents rite. borrow a transparent 1 frm my cousin oso canot, i must go buy issit?

speaking abt money, i dun tok abt tt insignificant amount for a spect hooks i tok abt the annual chalet. evn if i dun go i hv 2 pay. nice reasoning, i hv to pay 7dollars evn if i dun go! n u will sae, since u hv to pay, y dun u just go?! but i tell u, i pay 7dollars to spend 3d2n of my life, wasting in the chalet being unhappy n moody n emo. i wud rather stay at home n be happy. if i wan 2 be unhappy n moody n emo, i get it most of the time, in fact, i dun evn hv to pay to get it.

you scold us so long, we tell u we were taught tt way, u sae it's our fault, we were wrong. after that, just a "sorry" n u sae you made a mistake. fine larr, i pon cca i sae "sorry hor, i got attituded that day". i stab u i sae "sorry hor, accidentally de, cos i made a mistake, i wanted to stab you 2ml de lehh." cool right. A sorry can make the world. A sorry can do wonders. Next time I go ur restaurant eat without paying then i say "a word of apologisation is the best in the whole wide world to make up for my mistakes." do u think u will accept? NO! but u better do, i learnt from ur preachings.

sorry if u find no sense here, 'cause i'm pissed until i duno how to express my feelings lerr. so many to write, so little time. 这种心情是非笔墨所能形容的！thanksahh IDIOTIC-COCKEYED-FREAKO/s.

!@#$#@%$#^%$&^%*&^(*&&#%@$!@
feel v. sad now. how could i hv been so stupid to once think that i may b able to be a little happy in this cca. how could i hv once believed that the ppl there may not b tt bad. how could i be so stupid. right, i'm so stupid to be so upset 'cause of this cca. n i walk around imaginating awful tings n scare myself n sadden myself even more n start to cry. i'm so stupid to noe only of crying n become a crybaby who scares myself by tinking of wad will happen in the future... y m i so stupid. y...? tell me why...